Inevitably when you blow up your life like I have, you will have doubts. Every day from when I decided to leave my comfortable life in NYC until the day I got on the plane, I asked myself if I was making the right the decision. Every day I decided that I was. When I got to San Francisco, all those questions vanished. I knew this was where I wanted to be. So I settled into life job hunting, house sitting, and jumpstarting my social life. I set up informational interviews with Wellesley alums and friends of friends. I briefly scanned Craigslist for apartments, but not too hard since I still have 3 whole weeks to find somewhere to live. I enjoyed having time to myself, interspersed with seeing old friends, and hanging out with the guy I had been casually dating. The certainty of my decision made me content in my new life.
Six weeks later, the doubts are back. Job applications get no responses, except for one rejection. Emails to Craigslist ads go unanswered. My social life is coming together, but the boy is crashing and burning for reasons that I don't really understand. And I sit on my friend's couch asking myself, once again, if I made the right decision. Should I have left a steady, but stagnating job, , an awesome apartment, and all my activities in a city that I wasn't happy in? Did I make a mistake thinking I'd be happier out in California?
My brain tells me that eventually the limbo will end, and everything will settle. But right now it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.